There is a whole world out there where psychedelics have become an increasingly accepted part of people’s lives. One part of that world is called microdosing.
I had been hearing all these stories about people becoming more relaxed, happy, creative, connected, alive and focused. People talked about life-altering experiences, getting out of depression and even working through trauma. And I had seen up close how it seemed to really help people with a tendency towards depression.
Now, a little reality check: microdosing and psychedelic therapy are not the same thing. There is some very interesting research into psilocybin-assisted therapy for depression, but the evidence for microdosing itself is much less clear. People report all sorts of benefits, but research so far is still mixed.
These were enough reasons for me to want to try it out, mostly out of curiosity more than anything else. I wasn’t completely new to drug land. I had tried a few things over the years, but never psychedelics like magic mushrooms or LSD. Not for any major reason. They just never really crossed my path at the right time. I guess the idea of hallucinating wasn’t particularly appealing to me either. Maybe there was also a little fear of losing control, or getting stuck in a trip forever.
Now, after a few Ayahuasca experiences, suddenly experimenting with a little psilocybin seemed like a walk in the park. And from what I had heard, a very pleasant, colorful walk in the park at that.
So about three years ago, I tried it for a week or two. A little freaked out about what it would do, my partner and I picked an easy Sunday, when the kids weren’t around, to try it for the first time.
That first time I took about 1 gram of psilocybin truffle. At the time, I had read that this could be considered a microdose. As I was about to discover, for me this was actually too noticeable, not the minor effect I was expecting.
First reaction: nauseous unpleasantness. This made me a little nervous, but thank God it only lasted for about half an hour. Then I started to feel a little strange. A little more trippy, I guess, than I was expecting. But ok, I thought, let’s experience this!
We went outside to get some air and meet some friends. I was a little hesitant, because the idea of meeting friends in this state and ‘pretending’ to be normal didn’t sound like something I was particularly capable of at that moment.
Looking at trees and other spectacles of nature, on the other hand, was suddenly a lot more interesting and intense than usual. It made me feel closer to nature. The green was greener, I could almost feel the life in the trees, and I noticed all the little movements they made. It gave me this enormous respect for the trees and for life in general.
I even felt a little guilty towards the trees for not having paid enough attention to them before, or shown them the respect they deserved.
We met our friends, so I went into ‘friends mode’, or ‘social mode’. This went remarkably well! Once I got over that first social hurdle, I found myself really engaged in the conversation. Probably a slightly better listener than usual, more in the moment, more present.
And even though this turned out to be a pretty nice experience, I did feel a little trippy. So nice for an occasion, but not something I would want in daily life. For me, that is.
After this first day, I lowered the dose to about 1/4 gram every other day, and that worked much better for me. I could focus on a task more easily and REALLY be focused.
A classic example: cleaning the house. I was 100% focused for hours in a row, which is unusual for me, and this time I even got rid of some of those piles that had been there for years…
After two weeks, it felt like enough for me for the time being. I guess in the end I do prefer ‘au natural’. But I can definitely understand the fascination with microdosing. From my own experiment, I could see how it might help someone step out of certain patterns, or look at things from a slightly different angle. Whether it can actually help with something like depression is a much bigger question, and the research on microdosing is still far from conclusive.
What I also found fascinating was the feeling that there is so much more there than we normally notice. Visually, in sounds, in how things feel. The green, the tiny movements of the trees, all these details were there all along. I just wasn’t noticing them. It made me wonder how much of the world around us we don’t really see, hear or feel, even though it is right there. And with that came this very natural feeling of connection. Not just looking at nature, but actually feeling part of it. Part of life.
And somehow that felt important. Like this connection isn’t some special higher spiritual state, but something very natural that is already there and that we perhaps just don’t always feel.
I got a glimpse of how differently my mind could work too. More focused, more present, more absorbed in what was right in front of me. I don’t necessarily need mushrooms to be that way, but apparently that version of me is in there somewhere.
For me, I liked it as a helper. A kind of ‘bedding’, as we would say in Dutch, something grounding underneath. A little earth magic in truffle form.
