Sometimes you don’t want to buy yourself the fucking flowers
Valentine’s Day… Cupid’s day, a commercial day, probably invented by people who wanted to sell us more stuff and make money. So officially, I don’t care about it that much. But since love is my biggest love, it’s also hard for me to completely ignore it.
And even if you do choose to ignore it, good luck with that. There are advertisements, billboards, radio, TV, social media, stores, magazines and heart-shaped everything to remind you. Nice maybe, when you are feeling the love.
But what if you just went through a breakup? Or Valentine’s Day suddenly reminds you how much you miss having a partner? Maybe it triggers feelings of rejection. Maybe you are in a relationship and secretly disappointed that your partner didn’t think of anything. Or maybe there is another reason why this particular day just makes you feel like shit.
Because while the rest of the world is, at least in your imagination, celebrating their great romantic love, receiving love letters, flowers, presents, breakfast in bed, surprise afternoon sex and sweet dinners, you are being reminded that you have none of that. Or not enough of it.
Valentine’s Day can be a huge trigger. So here is a shout-out to everyone not feeling the love today. Believe me, I have been there. Many times.
My own love life is transforming at the moment. I am letting go of the old. Let’s just say…, I am not expecting any flowers today.
And actually, I feel good. Alive. Today I am having a love affair with myself. But that doesn’t erase all the times I have felt lonely, disappointed, heartbroken, betrayed or forgotten. Or the parts of that that still live inside me. Today there can be space for those too.
And I also don’t think the answer to missing love from someone else is simply: LOVE YOURSELF!
Sometimes you don’t want to buy yourself the fucking flowers. You want someone else to think of you and buy them for you. Fair enough.
You can love yourself and still miss someone. You can take good care of yourself and still want to be taken care of. You can know Valentine’s Day is ridiculously commercial and still feel sad when nobody sends you a card. So with all that in mind, here is my V-Day survival kit. Not to fix anything. Just a few things that might make today a little nicer.
- First of all, it’s okay if today just isn’t your day. NEXT! No need to turn it into a celebration of self-love.
- Have a massive cry if that is what wants to happen. Give your heart a moment to do its thing
- Have an extended self-pleasure moment. Oil your whole body, make love to yourself, have an orgasm or two. Not because you need to prove how lovable you are. Just because it feels good.
- Call somebody you care about. A friend, your mum, your sister, whoever. Tell them something nice, or just have a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.
- Write a love letter. To yourself, your partner, your future partner, or someone you loved once and will never send it to. Could be interesting.
- Go to yoga, meditation or a breathing class. Or do something at home. Get out of your head and into your body for a while.
- Get yourself flowers. Your favorites.
Or don’t.
Because yes, I can already hear it: I am tired of being the one who always has to buy myself the flowers. I hear you.
Maybe today doesn’t have to become some great lesson in self-love. Maybe you can miss what you miss, feel what you feel, and still do one or two things that make being you today a little more pleasant.
And if that happens to include flowers, an orgasm and a massive cry, I’d say that’s a pretty decent Valentine’s Day.
