This morning I woke up a bit heavy. Sometimes I miss having a full house, I miss having my stepkids around. Im cocooning in bed a little longer. My thoughts go to comments I recently got about my stepmother status. That I am not supposed to call myself a stepmom since I was not married to their dad. That kinda stung and felt like taking something valuable away from me. But also it motivated me to dive a little deeper into the concept of step. The semantics, the content, the difficulties, the feelings. I am sure a lot of people have experienced similar situations, around this subject.
My great stepkids have lived part time with me approx 4 years, we have been on holidays together, i have fed them, kissed them goodnight and loved them. They were the most important kids in my life next to my biological kids. They are brother and sister to my girls, one by blood and one by feeling I would say. Safe to say, for me that feels like, with lack of better words, stepkids.
But what does the law say about this? What defines a step parent, in an age where marriage is not the standard for a relationship anymore. It’s a confusing time in relationships I find, the old way doesn’t seem to be the way anymore, but what is the other way… Lets investigate. What does the world have to say about this.
Under the BC Family Law Act, you’re a step-parent if: you and the children’s parent are or were married, or lived together in a marriage-like relationship for at least two years (you might call it being in a common-law relationship), and. you lived with the children’s parent and the children.
Definition of stepmother according to Merriam webster: the wife of one’s parent when distinct from one’s natural or legal mother.
Or in the Netherlands where we live. You are a step-parent when:
– The kid of your partner is part of your family
– You are married of have registered partnership with your partner. When not registered partnership, you live on same address and take care of child(ren) there.
So what I am learning is that it slightly differs per country, but basicly comes down to being in a relationship with and living with, the other parent. And by some laws it would indeed mean being married or having a registered partnership. It does not make sense to me at all, that only because a relationship is not registered but for the rest has all the other ingredients, like you are in a long term loving relationship, you sleep together, you live together, you eat together, and then you are not a stepparent? Or does it matter that you FEEL like a stepparent? Can someone really take that away from you anyway? Im am a, with lack of better word, stepparent, period.
